Novel by Christina Carson
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Quote from Suffer the Little Children:
"Perhaps what we call misfortune is actually a place where the universe interrupts our habits that keep life so limited and small, forcing us to respond differently. The opportunity it offers depends on how hard we work to close the gap or hold it open, allowing ourselves to glimpse realities we've never glimpsed before."
Novel by Christina Carson
Quote from Dying to Know:
"I knew in that moment, we were never meant to surrender our childlike innocence, to trade a world in which we fit like a glove for one that hung on us like ill-fitting hand-me-downs. However, all about us insisted on our membership. And instead of a handshake or a mystical password as entrance into this spurious society, we agreed instead to share a lie, the one that says we’re safe, secure, and fulfilled living this way."
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Toward More Love
I’m thinking about Mother’s Day. I’m thinking about the tremendously (adverb intended) challenging experience parenting has become, not because the role has changed, but because it takes more time than most parents can find in the hectic 24 hour revolutions we call our lives. If we needed proof, however, that we must somehow find a new way, Dr. Bernie Siegel, a world renowned medical doctor, offers it in a recent interview I saw. Here is Dr. Siegel’s conclusion from a startling Harvard study relating the occurrence of morbid disease in mid-life to a person’s perception of having been loved as a child or not having been loved.
“Parenting is today’s Number One health issue.”
Before you go one thought further, please know this is not about more guilt or blame on parents. What I took from this is how able we are to stand up against all manner of disease, if we are walking through life feeling loved, most especially by our parents. And as parents, this is something we can do more fully, even in the lives we find ourselves. How, you might be asking? It all revolves around being present – meaning being with your child fully when you are with your child. Give them your full attention. This is also known as being in the moment. Time is a concoction of the egoic mind. But when you move outside the confines of the egoic mind – meaning being fully present - there is no sense of time. So whatever seeming time you spend fully present with another leaves both of you feeling as complete as if you’d spent many meaningful hours with one another. Giving your child your full attention is you loving them.
I write about family in my novels because family functioning properly is THE most important aspect of society, in my view. And without any shame, I’m going to plug my novel Suffer the Little Children
for through it you can follow Anne Mueller coming to understand how to be present and honest with her own daughter who has run away, as well as a neighbor child about to do the same thing, as their solution to a family not working. For Mother’s Day, share a work of possibility and hope mother to daughter and daughter to mother, opening a door to healing your relationship and your heart. This book offers you that in a real and doable way. It’s my life’s work, shared with you. Let the sharing continue.
Happy Mother's Day !
Comments
Christina, It is such a powerful thing. I have three daughters, all grown. Eight years ago, my youngest and I started a tradition in which we take the first week of June and head off on a trip, just the two of us. Last year, my middle daughter who has lived on her own for a while, asked for her turn, so the two of us took a trip together. The oldest daughter missed out on this tradition, but she and I spent many an hour in the car together, just the two of us. I wouldn't trade anything for these precious moments alone with my girls.
I have been intimate with two mothers from opposite ends of the motherhood spectrum. The chasm that separated them is measured in time. Unfortunately, one "inch" of "quality time" spans exactly the same distance as simple time. Just "being there" even when they're in school, is important. A child needs security and that only comes when they know with absolute certainty that you are there for them.
As my daughter lives out of state and my son 400 miles away, I don't get to spend the kind of time I would like to with them but I'm lucky in that we have had times together that were special for each child and for me. I know they know they are loved and I consider that my greatest achievement in life.
I am a father and a stepfather and I can say unequivoclly that being a parent is the second most traumatic functioon, after being a husband, I have ever experienced. Unfortunately I failed at both!
Our children are out most important assets. The love, time, and attention we give them become their most important assets.
It's not a feel-good or New-Agey idea that giving a child your full attention for a matter of seconds can feel like a much longer time, and Christina, I know you know this already. I wanted to give a factual example of it. Very often at a daycare that I've been to more than once, children will run up to tell me, "You were here yesterday to take our picture!" when in fact I haven't been there in months. The kids know I was there, and they remember what we did, but they have no concept of duration of time. Even a smart 5-year old may still not understand. Young children don't know the difference between what a day feels like and what a year feels like. They have to learn it. In their minds, events and experiences take priority, not time--it's not even a factor. Because they haven't learned time, when they see me and their minds remember what happened, it's as clear to them as if it just happened (yesterday, in our adult concept of time).
If kids have to learn time, it's something that's been created for this world, and is not coming from the innate wisdom that we all come into the world possessing. So it follows, in a perfectly logical way, that a few seconds or minutes of a parent's full attention can make all the difference in the life of our children. What matters to the child is the experience shared with the parent.
So true Caleb. I once watched an Oprah show where the speaker was addressing our feelings as adults of having been unloved or undervalued as children. Interestingly, there was not a dry eye in the audience. Nor were my mate's and mine.
You nailed it, Adrienne, the essence of why it is said that there is no time.
Going outside wearing these - Isabel Marant Sneakers
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